Mpenzi Wangu

My 27th approached and passed right by me without even a courtesy hello. Or was it that I was so engulfed in the old E that it was I that didnt realize she stopped to visit with me. So here I sit, 27, another year older but am I another year wiser? Have i progressed or regressed as in comparison to this time last year?

I set for myself to find love, to be in love, and several other items that i deemed as important milestones that someone of 27 should have reached or should at least be on the path to reach. Love i found, or more so found me. Was I or am I loved? I dont know. I do know that I, as i previously stated, was so engulfed in the old E that really everything else was oblivious to me. And for me the old E was not the strong elixir that Andre spoke on, but my emotions for him, for us, for love. Has loving him been in vain, or was I in a place where i was suppose to be? Was it something that i must grow into, or grow out of? I still don’t know. But what i have come to realize was that i let myself go down to his level in order to exist with him, where in actuality it should have been he trying to reach up to me. And just for clarification, I'm not insinuating that it was he that was below or beneath me. That was not and still is not the case. In actuality it was I that had been where he is and let myself revert back to those struggles. I regressed. I got caught up. Caught up in the what-ifs, what-coulds.

I do know that I am ready for love, i am ready to meet my husband, i am ready to start building a relationship, a foundation with him, so that we can exist. I want to finally have my king in my life. I am strong, I am wise, I am conscious, I am spiritual no doubt. But I need him in my life and this I except. Some insight I have gained and as the days pass I am starting to come to a clearer understanding of if the better half of 2007 was a lost to me or did i go through "us" for a preparation of my future.